Marriage

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http://www.duas.org/matri1.htm#6_Eti

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا

And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.

Surah Al-Ahzab, Verse 35:

إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَالْمُسْلِمَاتِ وَالْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْقَانِتِينَ وَالْقَانِتَاتِ وَالصَّادِقِينَ وَالصَّادِقَاتِ وَالصَّابِرِينَ وَالصَّابِرَاتِ وَالْخَاشِعِينَ وَالْخَاشِعَاتِ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقِينَ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقَاتِ وَالصَّائِمِينَ وَالصَّائِمَاتِ وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ وَالْحَافِظَاتِ وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتِ أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا

Surely the men who submit and the women who submit, and the believing men and the believing women, and the obeying men and the obeying women, and the truthful men and the truthful women, and the patient men and the patient women and the humble men and the humble women, and the almsgiving men and the almsgiving women, and the fasting men and the fasting women, and the men who guard their private parts and the women who guard, and the men who remember Allah much and the women who remember– Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a mighty reward.

The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage is a natural necessity for every human being. It bears many good outcomes of which the most important ones are:

(1) The formation of a family through which one can find security and peace of mind. A person who is not married resembles a bird without a nest. Marriage serves as a shelter for anyone who feels lost in the wilderness of life; one can find a partner in life who would share one’s joy and sorrow.

(2) The natural sexual desire is both strong and significant. Everyone should have a partner for satisfying their sexual needs in a secure and serene environment. Everyone should enjoy sexual satisfaction in a correct and proper manner. Those who abstain from marriage often suffer from both physical and psychological disorders. Such disorders and certain social problems are a direct consequence of the abstinence of youth from marriage.

(3) Reproduction: Through marriage the procreation of mankind is continued. Children are the result of marriage and are important factors in stabilizing the family foundations as well as a source of real joy to their parents.

A great deal of emphasis has been given in the Holy Qur’an and the Traditions to both marriage and having children. The Almighty Allah states in the Holy Qur’an:

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves,…” (30:21).

“The Prophet (SA) stated: ‘There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage’.”[1]

“Imam Ali (AS) stated: ‘Engage in marriage; because this is the tradition of the Prophet (SA) of Allah.”[2]

“The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: ‘Whoever chooses to follow my tradition must get married and produce offspring through marriage (and increase the population of Muslims) so that on the day of resurrection I shall confront other Ummah (nations) with the (great) numbers of my Ummah'”[3]

“Imam Rida (AS) stated: ‘The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy and protects his property and her own honour in his absence’.”[4]

What has been dealt with so far in this chapter has been only the worldly and animalistic side of marriage which the animals also share: the Benefits of companionship and reproduction. As such the true purpose of marriage for the human race is of a different kind. Mankind is not meant to have entered this world solely in order to eat, drink, sleep, seek pleasure or act lustfully, and then to die and be destroyed. The status of man is higher than such deeds. Human beings are meant to train themselves and their souls by gaining knowledge, committing good deeds, and behaving with good manners. Man is meant to take steps along the straight path to achieve nearness to Almighty Allah. Mankind is a creation that is able to cleanse his soul and by avoiding evil deeds and exercising good behaviour reach a level of such high status that even the angels are not able to attain. Man is a creature that is eternal. He has come to this world so that by the guidance of the prophets and the implementation of the programs set by the religion (of Islam), to secure his happiness in this world and the Hereafter; so that he could live a peaceful life in the next world eternally.

Therefore, the purpose of marriage should be searched for in this spiritual context. The aim of marriage for a religious person should be a means of avoiding evil deeds and purging one’s soul of sins. It should be a means of acquiring nearness to the Almighty Allah. It is in this context that a suitable and good partner assumes an important role. When two believers, through marriage, form a family, their sexual relationship would benefit them in strengthening their mutual love and kindness, for such a couple, there would not exist any dangerous threats of sexual perversion, dangerous addictions or unlawful deeds. The Prophet (SA) of Islam and all of the Imams (AS) have laid great emphasis on the institution of marriage.

“The Prophet (SA) stated: ‘Whoever gets married, has safeguarded half of his religion’.”[5]

“Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: ‘Two Rak’ats (units) of a married person’s Salat (prayer) are better than seventy Rak’ats offered by a bachelor’.”[6]

A faithful, pious, and harmonious partner plays a crucial role in having a respectable and honest life. Indeed having such a partner is an important factor when wanting to avoid evil deeds and enables the commitment of oneself in performing the obligatory acts of worship. A pious couple, not only would not meet with any obstacle in achieving religious goals, but would be a source of encouragement to each other .

Is it really possible for a faithful man of Allah to gloriously fight in His way, without the approval of his wife? Is it possible for any pious person to earn his living lawfully, observing all religious aspects, paying statutary religious alms to avoid extravagance, and to spend on charitable deeds without the consent of his wife?

A pious person would always invite his partner to goodness, just as a corrupt person would tempt his partner towards corruption. It is then reasonable that, in Islam men and women, who want to get married, are advised to regard the piety and good manners of their future partners, as essential conditions.

“The Prophet (SA) stated: ‘If I were to bestow all the good of both worlds upon a Muslim person, I would endow him with a humble heart, a tongue which continuously utters his praises, a body patient enough to withstand all calamities; and I would give him a pious spouse who, when she sees him, becomes happy ,and protects his property and her own honour in his absence’.”[7]

“One person went to the Prophet (SA) and said: ‘I have a wife who always welcomes me when I come home, and escorts me to the door when I leave. When she finds me sad and unhappy, she then, by consoling me says: ‘If you are thinking of sustenance, then do not despair, because Allah provides sustenance; and if you are thinking about the next life, then may Allah increase your intellect and efforts. Then the Prophet (SA) stated: ‘ Allah surely has functionaries and agents in this world and your wife is one of those. Such a woman would be rewarded half as much as a martyr’.”[8]

“Imam Ali (AS) was thinking the same when he spoke of Hadrat Zahra (AS). He stated that she was the best help for worshipping the Almighty Allah. History tells us that the Prophet (SA), one day after the wedding of Imam Ali (AS) and Hadrat Zahra (AS), went to congratulate them in their house and know about their welfare. He asked Imam Ali (AS): ‘How do you find your spouse?’ The Imam replied: ‘I found Zahra as the best help in worshipping the Almighty Allah.’ The Prophet (SA) then asked the same of Zahra (AS), and she replied: ‘He is the best husband’.”[9]

Imam Ali (AS), in one sentence, introduced the best woman in Islam and expressed the main purpose of marriage

Living with Husband

The task of a wife is to maintain and take care of a husband. It is not an easy undertaking. Those women who are unaware of this feature of their role, may find difficulty in fulfilling the task. It is a job for the woman who is aware that the job requires a degree of sagacity, style, and ingenuity. For a woman to be a successful wife, she should win over her husband’s heart and be a source of comfort to him. She should encourage him to do good deeds while dissuading him from bad ones. She should also provide adequate measures to maintain his health and well-being. The results of her efforts are directed towards making the man into a kind and respected husband who would be a proper guardian for his family, and a good father from whom the children would seek guidance and respect. Allah, the All-Knowing has endowed woman with extraordinary power. The prosperity and happiness as well as the misery of the family are in her hands.

A woman can turn the home into a lofty paradise or a burning hell. She can lead her husband to the peak of success or the dregs of misfortune. The woman with the qualities bestowed on her by Allah, who is aware of her role as a spouse, can elevate her husband to a respected man even if he had been the lowest of all men.

“One learned scholar wrote: ‘Women possess a strange power in that they are able to acquire whatever they desire’. “[l0]

In Islam, taking care of one’s husband has an important position. It has been equated to the role of Jihad (holy war in the path of Allah). “Imam Ali (AS) stated: ‘The Jihad of a woman is to take care of her husband well’.”[11]

Considering that Jihad is the struggle and holy war in the path of Allah including the struggle for advancement and honour of Islam, defending the Islamic territories and execution of social justice, it is one of the highest acts of worship. The value of fulfilling the duties of a proper spouse is also reflected upon when considering Jihad.

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